You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
