but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Randomize
