Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
