dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
