I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Hippo gnu deer
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
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