Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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