I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
im about as happy as oj after his trial
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
please don't ironically join a cult
Randomize
