I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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