Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
