babies were throwing up all over the place
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
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