you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
two words: eviction party
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
