i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
