There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Randomize
