The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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