I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
