Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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