She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize