FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
sorry for the blank pocket text. My penis obviously has nothing to say to you.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
All the doctor said was why
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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