What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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