giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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