and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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