Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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