it was like his penis was on wheels.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Randomize
