Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
