she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Randomize
