exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Did I show you my penis last night?
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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