Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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