Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
