I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
