Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Randomize
