I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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