Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
