do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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