It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
