You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
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