I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
You left your phone here
Wait...
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