Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Randomize
