He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
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