He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
