Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
You can't just leave with hair like that
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
