Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
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