well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
