I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
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