I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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