How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
