Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
