my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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