wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
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