Who did Billy Mays play for?
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
