Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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