i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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