some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize