so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
