I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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