i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
