hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
