Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
