I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
3 2 1 whiskey
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
