Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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