So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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