Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
