I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
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