My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
Tornado booty call.. dedication
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
