I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
