Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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