Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
