Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
Randomize
